Bandersnatch

Bandersnatch
Emily Holmes

1.
I remember the shadows
stretching over the oak tree.
As I tried to climb to the top
the hooded figure hit me like a rock.

2.
My world stopped spinning.
He held my hand,
as I shook violently from the ice in his soul.

3.
Immortality take a toll on the soul.
Pay $6.66 at the door.
Don’t get burned at the handle,
take a left at the skeleton room.
Welcome to Heaven.

4.
As the golden ring,
hovers over your head,
can you feel yourself evolving?
Let the horns sprout onto your scalp.

5.
Hold yourself back
don’t let your body shake.
Control the animal inside.

6.
It’s a war between good and evil.
Love and hate.
Your spirit and your reflection.

7.
Hold it. Step back.
Look down to your icing body.
Cry toxic tears onto your heart.
Back up. Slow down.
Blink numerously. Kick and scream.

8.
Leave your dark cavern.
Welcome to life.
Happy birthday.

Autumn in Vermont

Falling Autumn
Emily-Amber Holmes

The warmth disappears from my skin.
When others step into their uggs,
I let my feet brace the cold
in their semi-naked shoe's.

The rainbows in the trees fall,
like teardrops from a newborn fawn.
Zombies and vampires come alive,
begging strangers for their brains and blood.

Pumpkins in the roads,
spiced with rotten eggs.
Candy wrappers teeter-totering in the breeze.

Now the days come and go.
Drinking warm cider,
all snuggled into a backwards robe
waiting for the turkey and stuffing to foxtrot into the airways.

The arctic tone skates up my spine,
once the wonderland hits.
I miss the 50 degrees of fall.
I miss the bright yellows and crisp oranges.
I miss the open toed shoes.

Even though you're my third favorite,
you still make me miss all the wonderful things.
The day I step into the blinding white hills,
is the day I miss the browning green grass.

The smell of the last mowed lawn.

I count back the days,
from when I saw you last.

Remembering 9/11

Forever Emergency

Emily-Amber Holmes

I heard the roar of a ferric kite

navigating across the sky,

as the iron birds flew

into the sisters hearts.

I stood in disbelief

as smoke piled out of the angel wing hole,

drifting towards the clear blue sky

making the day into night.

And I couldn't help but wonder,

if the homeless man on the corner

was right when his sign read

the end is near.

I watched the men and women,

risk their lives to save those

who were trapped in the

unbreathable air and unsteady skyscrapers.

None of them knew that that morning

would be their last time holding their children

and kissing their spouses goodbye.

They didn't know they wouldn't make it home for dinner.

The world stood still

when the two girls fell

crushing down like an accordion

on top of thousands of innocents.

I ran into the closest building,

to escape the cloud of debris

But even I couldn't outrun

my new dusty armor.

My heart was racing.

I closed my eyes and prayed

to a God I didn't believe in.

When the smoke cleared

we walked hand in hand,

to the ground zero sight.

I couldn't believe my eyes.

I saw a ladder,

all covered in ashes
rising high from the depths

of the twins last remains.

Echoes of a thousand different voices

shattered my bruised ears,

as the jet fuel

burned my flared nostrils.

Everywhere I looked,

I saw different shades of gray.

I prayed for a glimpse of the blue heavens.

To breathe the fresh air

instead of the soot and smoke.

The papers from the identical skeletons

ran in the roads like tumbleweed.

Our little island,

now looked like a ghost town.

The streets began to clear.

Everyone wanted to get away.

I watched how the people walked,

most not knowing where they were going.

Many cried from the death in the air.

I could taste metal in my mouth,

from clenching onto my tongue

when the sky fell from above my head.

I kicked a stone

yelling out to whoever would hear.

But when I opened my mouth

no sound erupted.

I pinched myself hundreds of times.

But every time it grew sharper.

When I finally got home

I looked up to the stars.

A thousand more then the night before.

Shining brighter and stronger,

through the black velvet sky.

My feathers had burned

and I couldn't fly away

without leaving the ground.

Remembering would be my anchor

and forgetting would never cut the string.

Sestina

Soul Water

Emily-Amber Holmes

Come across the waters

which only one can only see in death.

Can you hold onto the desire

surrounding the cold soul?

Watch the gentle spirits

flutter across the wind.

I shook at the fire coated wind

that burned me like acid water

I wanted to kidnap the spirits

and hold them for death

while their souls

fulfill their desire.

I always wondered what their desire

would be. If they wanted to kill the wind

or find where their soul

lived. I thought it was under water

since that's where their death

occurred. I wanted to be a spirit.

I held my breath for the spirits

and I wanted to hold them with the desire

to keep them away from death

and cuddle them against the wind.

I let myself fall into the water

and wander to all the dark souls.

I wanted to strangle my soul

for the spirits

wanted to water

their longing desire

of the shivering wind

and cold death

A death

that would make a soul

shiver from frosty winds

and make a spirit

cry. I wanted to show them the desire

of dying in the water

But the souls were spirited

away, and the death was desired,

but nobody can water out Hell's fire.

Fatality

Fatality

Emily Holmes

His baby blue eyes jetted to me seconds

before the log pierced into his windshield.

My world stopped turning.

I could taste metal in my mouth,

from clenching onto my tight tongue.

His gentle face was unrecognizable.

Perfect cheek bones shattered like glass.

Blonde hair stained with red honey.

His eyes still glued to me: completely motionless.

Tears poured from my eyes,

he was angelic.

I was perfectly fine

just a simple scratch on my cheek.

I pinched myself hundreds of times.

Hoping once I wouldn't feel it.

But each time it grew sharper.

It stabbed at my heart.

I had tried to find my courage,

but my feathers were burned.

I couldn't fly away,

without leaving the ground.

He was mine.

We breathed in-sync.

Our hands a perfect puzzle.

I lost everything.

It's three months later and I still

lay in bed surrounded by the

nectarous essence of the

blood splattered shirt he wore

the night his heart stopped breathing.

Everyone told me he'd always be there.

You will always reminisce on the precious moments.

I know that remembering would be my anchor

and forgetting would never cut the string.

Paradelle

Slowly Evaporating

Emily-Amber Holmes

My air is slowly evaporating

My air is slowly evaporating

I'm starting to get cold

I'm starting to get cold

My cold is to get evaporating

I'm slowly starting air.

I hear the violins

I hear the violins

I see the beauty in the clouds

I see the beauty in the clouds

I hear the violins in the see

I beauty the clouds.

Don't shout life and death

Don't shout life and death

Hold your frigid living breath

Hold your frigid living breath

Shout your frigid death

Don't hold the living and life

I hear your frigid violins

The beauty is starting to shout

Don't get cold

I see breath at death

My air in the clouds

is evaporating slowly

and I'm living your life.

Bread and Butter

Bread and Butter

Emily Holmes

We hold hands

like butter melting

onto warm toast,

never to part

until something terrible

comes in our

way.

What do I

say to the

children? The grand

children? That you

died in vain

because you refused

to believe in

my silly superstition?

Once you butter

your bread it

can't be unbuttered,

just like you

can't be undead.

You're not yet

cold in the

grave yet my

heart aches with

the loss of

your deep snoring

keeping me tossing

and turning at

night.

You musn't think

I'm crazy now

looking down from

the skies. You

said nothing would

ever come between

us holding hands.

We were the

couple that youngsters

would smile to

their love and

say that's us

in 70 years.

But that pole

was the death of us.

It hurt us

beyond repair. I

said bread but

you said rubbish

as the life

got knocked out

of you by

a simple huverbike.

Going just a

little too fast

down the sidewalk.

Your beautiful head

crashed into the

pole which you

had been so

stubborn about.

Your silver hair

matched your silver

blood pouring from

your ear. You

lied to me.

You said you

would never leave

me when I

needed you most.

Now I'm nothing but

burnt toast that

nobody dares to

butter for nothing

will make it

taste any less

dead.

Fragile Fine Porcelain

Fragile Fine Porcelain

Emily Holmes

I'll pretend I'm doing

all I can since

you seem to kick

me while I'm down,

making my heart wail

and shatter like fragile

fine porcelain. My

head knows not what

to do when you

step on my already

broken dreams, which

fly into the twinkling

lights of the darkness

where the lost

angels dwell. You rattle

my skeleton and creep

under my skin. My brain

feels like a dentist

shoving a drill deep

into my ear.

It hurts when you

dot dot dot. Acting

like a child crawling

under the covers

hiding from your insecurities,

becoming a mime,

blaming me for the

eerie silence that erupts

over the shadows.

Let the tears fall

from your deep oceans

and hold your breath

under the water.
Apologizing is as useless

as prescription drug commercials.

S-O-R-R-Y for every little

thing you do.

I want to scream

and shatter the windows

into little diamonds.

You left that poison

dripping on my lips

hoping I would fall

under the spell you

once learned to cast.

I wish it was

as simple as throwing

water onto your torso

to cause me to

forget that last embrace.

Life moved too

fast. That was our

downfall. Don't treat me

as if you never

whispered those three words.

You reply with unnecessary

remarks just to throw

salt into the open

wounds you have carved.

I wish you had

learned how to think

before pressing the send button.

Before terrorizing me in

my dreams with words

that echo in my

ears every time I

hear the mention of

your name. I wish

every minute wasn't a

failure. Every word wasn't

a knife. Every step

wasn't on a crack.

But nothing matters anymore

since our world is

only a tiny speck

of dust living on

top of a clover.

I'll let the wind

carry us above the

salty waters. I'll smile

into the rose and

pumpkin orange sunset,

breathing in the crisp

warm air of

the glistening waters. As

the mist brushes my

cheek. My eyes shut

and let me be

at peace with the

surroundings. Letting me forget

the terrors and heart ache

I've faced. I feel

warm and fuzzy inside.

Like a child opening

their first present

on a snowy Christmas

morning. I let my

toes dance softly

into the warm grains

of sand and lay

under the warm sun

as it tints my

skin with it's rays.

Everything happens for a

reason. I'll find out

that reason later after

my life story has

been written and

I'm cold in

the ground. I'll re-read

my life while laying

on top of my

cloud. But I musn't think

of that now. I'll

take life one page

at a time.

Whisper Loudly

Whisper Loudly

Emily-Amber Holmes

Whisper something fragile.

In the early morning breeze.

Listen to the calm crickets,

create serenity.

Watch the sunset.

Slow dance under the stars.

Let the rain be your music,

as it sprinkles onto your skin.

Let the seasons change.

Watch the trees become rainbows.

Let the snow drift into a wonderland.

Watch the flowers bloom.

Let the heat pierce your skin.

As the rays burn your body,

tattooing your shell with flames.

Scream into the heavy winds.

Let them take you away.

Step into the dark,

and make friends with the shadows.

Live within the barricade,

of your fears and despair.

Pound your fists against the wall.

Step on the shards of broken dreams.

Let the pain flow through your veins,

and open up your past torments.

Follow your shivers to the end.

Let the dread fill you with fear.

Don't go crazy with insanity.

Let go of the curse your in.

And back away from your disturbia.

Whisper something loud.

Don't let the disease control you.

The darkness isn't light.

Let yourself take over.

And live louder then you ever have before.

Baby's Breath, Something Blue

Baby's Breath, Something Blue

Emily Holmes

Her hair is shimmering.

Her cheeks are glowing.

Her ring is shinning.

But she is scared.

Her ladies keep her

standing. She's getting

cold feet. Mommy and

daddy won't be there

to rely on anymore.

She's never been on

her own. If only I could

tell her that it's not that

hard. Just tell her that

the world really isn't

that big. You'll still

a rose in a patch of

daffodils. I had to

rely on someone new.

I was used to letting

my mother take care

of me. But once I

moved on, it all changed.

I learned how to survive

on my own. Breath different

air. Drink new water.

She looks at me and

takes a deep breath as

if I gave her courage.

She slowly makes her

way to the isle. Watching

her ladies walk one by

one. Her daddy's arm

intertwines with hers.
I can hear her breathing.

It's slowing down. Her

groom looks handsome.

She looks beautiful.

He gets awe-stuck

at his soon to be wife

slowly drifts towards

him. Her off-white

gown that matches me

flows gently behind her.

Soon the words ease out of

their mouths and tears form in

both of their eyes. They lean

in for their first united

kiss. Applause fills the

room. She turns around,

looks up to the sky and

closes her eyes.

It's time for me to fly.

Scrutiny of a Nation

Scrutiny of a Nation

Emily Holmes

The greeting center was full of

brochures telling of resources

being exploited, rain that

stings your skin, the drop in

economy, starving children

in countries that nobody

know the name of and pointless

wars killing innocents.

The lady behind the desk

faked a smile to me,

she wanted to show how

happy of a place this is.

But I could see behind her

polyester suit and up-do

that this was the only job

she could find. To lie

to the newcomers from

the teleprompter that sat in

the corner. She was fed

information about the

world she once knew

so much about. Her hands

shook as she spoke to

the gentleman in front of me.

Somehow she fascinated me.

I wondered about her.

Why was she here

if she hated it so much?

I looked into her mind

just to see into her past.

She sat in a room full of

40 others, listening to the

man in front of the white board.

She took notes on everything he

said. She listened to the man

as he described how the world

was going to shit. He preached

that they will never own homes,

their families will be raised

in tiny apartments and their school

loans will haunt them till their

dying breath. They were wasting

their time. But the class just

laughed, thinking he was joking.

But all the signs pointed to

the downfall. It was

calm before the storm.

Nobody took the signs

seriously. Our ship is

unsinkable, they thought.

But the fog was too

thick to steer through safely.

The iceberg would come out of

nowhere. She saw the world

coming to an end.

She wished that the man

told her how to survive.

But as I stepped up to the

desk, she looked into my

eyes. She could see I knew

nothing about the world

she lived in. I was curious.

She looked at the corner,

reading the lies that

streamed into her conscious

mind. She shook her head

and calmly looked at me.

She couldn't tell one more lie.

She smiled truthfully and spoke;

Welcome to our planet.

You will be judged on what

you wear, your taste in music,

your size, what you look like

and how you act.

Enjoy your stay.

An Open Letter to the MHS class of 2012

(This was an assignment for creative writing a while ago, and I finally decided to put it here. I needed to get this off my chest. An open letter is a letter to someone or something that will never reply)

An open letter to MHS class of 2012,

Remember me? The girl who can't pronounce the word purple because R's are stubborn with my mouth? The girl who was a little more chubbier then every one else? The girl in the back of the room that never talked because she was scared of what you would say? The girl who never got asked to dance? 

I'm the girl that smiles when she is broken. I'm the girl who cried when she didn't get into honors choir her senior year. I'm the girl who hates a teacher everyone loves, and loves a teacher everyone hates. I'm the girl that during the canoeing unit got put in a canoe with a girl and after wards I heard her say, “Ugh. I got stuck with Emily Holmes.” I'm the girl who gets teased for the music she listens too.

I have good ideas. My opinions are huge but trapped inside my scared little brain. Don't call me a teachers pet because I enjoy school and I always have my work in. What does that get me? A free period while you whine about having to do work. Yes, I love reading but I don't want to be in AP. 

Do you really want to be cleaning up schools when you grow up? The fooling around in class is ridiculous. Sure, I'm not going to college right away but I know what I want to do in life. Don't treat me like I don't matter to the world. I'm a human being, I have feelings too. I'm not a lost cause. I'm Emily.

I've been friends with all of you in some point in my life. You might not remember it, but I do. Playing outback, pretending we were in the wizard of Oz. Picking pears from your tree. Making fruit cabobs for a project in 5th grade. My 11th birthday where all the ones who don't dare whisper my name now, attended. What did I ever do to you? My nice soul broke once you started to tear me down. 

Growing up on a street with elderly women, saying I was an adorable child and having you whisper your slurs about my face and torso. Step in my shoes for a second. How do you feel? Someone making fun of your voice. Something you can't control. Someone saying: Don't look at me. You're gross. You're repulsive. You can't sing. You're a crybaby. You're a fat whale. Being called by your middle name. I'm Emily, not Amber.

I am smart despite what you think. I can't tell you how many nights I sat in my room and wondered: What went through your head when you looked at me and laughed? Did you learn nothing from elementary school? The golden rule: Treat others the way you would want to be treated. So it's okay for me to laugh and stare at you, and start rumors?

Ha, I'm a bigger person then that. I'm actually a 12th grader, not stuck teasing in 6th grade world. Just because my mom was a strict substitute 1st-5th, doesn't mean you need to be jerks 7 years later. She was doing her job, unlike others who let you do what you want. I am a Holmes, no not Sherlock.

Have you ever felt so unimportant that you don't feel people remember you're a senior? I'm one that won't come to your mind when you vote for Senior Superlatives. Will I come to my class reunion? I doubt it. I'm one who has never felt a part of your class. Your class, not mine. 

But to the two people I talk to in the class of 2012, I love you. My Glinda and My Who. You've always been the ones who knew me for how I was. You saw the good in me and never once put me down.

Yes, I know I'm emotional. I keep things hidden, but that's how I raised myself. I never had that one true friend I could go too. That one true friend I could count on. So I cry, I keep things hidden till I explode. I'm a living time bomb.

-Emily (not Amber) Holmes