Coffee House Angst

        Nobody really understands what it's like to work at a coffee shop. The customers are incredibly rude without their morning fix of caffeine. Sometimes I feel like they are just the devil looking to cause us pain and look forward to us messing up in order to get their coffee for free.

        But I still get here early in the morning, quickly wash down the tables and switch the sign to open. The morning rush is always the most stressful. Customers are rushing to get to work and school which means they have no patience. I find this hilarious since they tell us to rush when they make their order so complicated. Just like this morning, a young gentleman stepped up and I put on my fake smile.

        “Hello welcome to Starbucks, what may I get for you this morning?” His eyes darted around the menu and he spoke fast. “Hi can I have a grande caffe mocha, no sugar, extra whipped cream, extra dry, with half skim, half full milk.”

        I just stared at him. If you think about it, that's just 2%. So I asked if he wanted to change his milk choice. He shook his head angrily and said “No, I just want a mixture of both. Oh and I want a caramel drizzle on the bottom of the cup, half way full and a little on top. Plus, raspberry syrup mixed in with the milk. Then the coffee. Thank you.” He stared me right in the eyes and smiled.

        I wanted to punch the smile right off of his face. Seriously, I'm not a robot. You don't need to make a cup of coffee a chemistry experiment. I'd like to see you do this and do it perfectly. God knows if I forget to put that damn caramel in the middle of your drink I'll burst into flames and burn forever because your drink which will be gone in a matter of minutes isn't perfect.

        I try my best to put on a another fake smile and sound thrilled to make this cup of nonsense. “Please write your name on your cup.” He sloppily writes and hands it back. He chuckles as he walks to a table. “Mike Hawk.” My head twitches to the side. Are you serious? You need to see me humiliate myself even more? Everything you do makes me want to put Visine eye drops in your cup, causing you to run to the bathroom every 5 minutes. But I'm better then that. I don't need to get fired from here. I'm a junior in college and this is the only job I can get with my hours.

       Now trust me, I'm trying to get a new job. As soon as I find anything better then this, I'm booking it. I hate when people tell me if you hate it so much, why work there? We are in a recession, it's difficult finding a new job that will pay well and give me flexible hours. The economy and unemployment rate are the worst they have been in decades. Google it if you don't believe me. I worry that this is where I will be when I graduate. I won't be one of the lucky ones who live with mommy and daddy or have my uncle give me a job at the office.

I've also been told, “Oh geez. Your job is so easy. Stop complaining. You get to make coffee all day.” THIS is when I have to control myself and not strangle the poor human. I'd love to trade places with you for a week. Just one week and you will understand the misery the customers unfold upon me.  

        There are seven steps to being a barista. Step one, you get hired. You're excited since you finally got a job. Step two, you love the work. Soon all the regulars know your name and you are getting the hang of things. Step three, you dream of getting promoted. You're doing so well and your speedy when it comes to the orders. Step four, you get setback. Either a costumer complains or you fight with a coworker. This is when you start to question your love for coffee making. Step five, you realize the job isn't what it used to be. You are just a coffee maker. Step six, you begin your downward spiral. Some days it's difficult waking up and knowing what awaits you in this torture chamber. Sadness and anger begin to bubble inside. Step seven, which I have not yet reached, is your curtain call. You get a better job and get the hell out of this craptacular dungeon.

        Now, as for my current customer I just breathe in and out. He isn't worth my anger. I pour into a pitcher the half skim milk and half regular. I mix in the raspberry syrup before drizzling caramel on the bottom of his cup, I pour in his milk mixture and pour a little coffee, drizzle some more caramel, fill up the rest and drizzle one more time. I put two huge scoops of whipped cream on top before yelling out, “COFFEE FOR MIKE HAWK!” Everyone chucked as he stepped up to get his coffee. He put a dollar in the tip jar and walked away.

        I fantasied about pouring his coffee down his pants, watching him dance as it burned him. I giggled as a bleach blonde 20 year old steps up with a dog barking from her purse. Before I could say anything she cheerfully said, “Hello! Can I have a half-caff half-fat soy latte grande with peppermint syrup, extra wet and a blueberry strawberry parfait hold the blueberries. Thanks!” I sighed and rolled my eyes. Here we go again.

Part One: Sharp Fear

Sharp Fear

        He cleaned me with bleach and slid me back into his belt loop. It scared me to be in this crazy mans hands. This isn't what I was designed for. I was meant to be in a five star Restaurant’s kitchen, crying at onions and julienne purple potatoes.

        She was so beautiful. Her hair went down to her waist, sparkling as the wind pushed it behind her ear. Her eyes were a deep green, that you could lay in for hours. Her scream was high pitched as I slid over her stomach. His hands were shaking and I hoped that he would just drop me.

        I could make myself shatter, but he kept his grip. Her eyes began to roll back into her head as he spit on her. I heard her last breath and a soft whisper “I love you Codes.” before she became stiff. She wanted her last words to mean something, even though nobody would know them. I watched her rosy cheeks lose their color and her lips turn blue. The fear on her face was frozen in time and there was nothing I could do about it.

Part Two: Dreadful Findings

Dreadful Findings

        She looked perfect, even in death. I held her hand softly. But I hated how cold she was. I felt like I was holding a block of ice. I kept kissing her, hoping it could be like Snow White. I hoped her eyes would flutter open and we would live happily ever after.

        She was my muse, my best friend. She made me believe that I was finally worth something to someone. I quit doing drugs because she thought it was a nasty habit. She turned my life completely around. I did everything I could to make sure she was always happy.

        When she went missing, I went crazy. I left thousands of messages on her phone, just to hear her voice again. I wanted to scream, but nothing would take away the emptiness I felt.

        I knew she was dead right before my phone rang to tell me the dreadful news. I felt my heart break and tears instantly formed in my eyes. I lost the one thing that ever made me feel complete.

        Now I stand here, kissing her icy blue lips for the last time. I couldn't believe that this was the end. I walked away sobbing as they lowered her into the earth. My eyes were glossy and I didn't pay attention to where I was going. I never knew what hit me. But I woke up and she was waiting for me. Her hand was outstretched, pulling me to my feet. The sunset glistened and smiled at us. Heaven never looked so beautiful and my angel never felt more mine.  

Part Three: Falling Under

Falling Under

        Everything was dark and damp. The cerement floor had me shaking violently. I wished I was back in my bed, watching a hopeless romance movie and cuddling up with him. Instead, I have to lay here and wonder if I will ever make it home alive.

        I hoped that he would never come back. Just keep me breathing a little longer. I guess he just lost it and grabbed the first person he saw. I was just walking down the street and felt a prick in my side. Next thing I knew I was in this room, tied up and my clothes were shredded. I didn't know what I did to deserve this.

        My breathing was speeding up. I knew he was coming, I could hear his footsteps echoing in the hallway. The door creaked open and I curled into a ball in the corner. He laughed deeply and stared at me.

As he walked to me, he whispered “You're beautiful. You know that?”

        I felt disgusted. I crawled in my skin and spit at him. His eyes widened and he took out a kitchen knife from his belt. I began to pray. I was never the religious type but I prayed whatever I could remember from my mother. I felt the sting on my stomach, my breathing started to get shallow. I felt my heart beat slow down. I watched the river of blood flow around my feet. I was cold. I slowly closed my eyes, imagined his face and whispered “I love you Codes.” right before my body stiffened. Heaven is so bright even when death was so dark.

North Franklin Street

Blue

       The house was as brown as a paper bag, while the other houses looked like candy land. Bright yellows and greens filled the hill. The house was old, around 150 years. The shindles were falling off of the roof and the carpets were ripping. The little blonde girl zoomed around the tiny yard on her batman tricycle. She'd pour water into the ground and make pies and castles out of the sticky dirt.

       Years later, her mother would have her pick the color of the house. A medium blue which would begin to peel after a few years. She'd make snowmen and drive a car into the yard. The roof would be black and metal. She'd start getting ready for college and on the day she leaves, she'll walk around the old house. Remembering all the memories, let a few tears fall and smile. It's time to move on. That old house would always be her home.

Rickity Fence

      She had an old rickety fence that separated the road from the house. The little girl had gotten a soccer ball that had a net attached with a Velcro hoop. She attached it to the fence and started to kick it around. Her giggles filled the air when the ball became unattached as she was kicking. Her cries rang out as she fell onto her back, her left hand trying to keep her steady.

       Her mother ran out and brought her inside. She cleaned up any open wounds but looked at her hand. Her pinky was swollen and looked crooked. X-rays would show it was broken and she would need to have it attached with tape the the finger beside it for a month. After wards, she wouldn't be able to keep the finger against the other. But she would find that it's unique, just like her.

Rocky Road

       The gray of the pavement will be with her when she looks in the yearbook. Every single crack and dent in the side of the road. Bumps that were created throughout the years. Bumps that she knew by heart when the car went up and down the hill. She knew which bumps would send her flying on the school bus. This year, the road was torn apart and smooth asphalt was poured in. All the bumps she grew up with were gone. But they are trapped forever in her senior picture.

River Journeys

        When she was little, her and her friends walked down to the river behind the old house. They tredded in the water and picked out silvery muscles. They took so many into a backpack and cleaned them. Fascinated by the color, they each opened them and watched the sandy water pour out. The girl remembers small memories, even like this when she grew up. Something as simple a cleaning muscles.

Absurdist Script

Vaughn: How long as he been running into that wall?

Zebediah: I don't know. 5 hours?

Vaughn: Should we do something?

Zebediah: Maybe... Possibly... Nah...

Vaughn: He must be doing it for a reason

Zebediah: Should we ask him?

Vaughn: No.

Zebediah: Why not? He might need help. I mean look at him. He is all bloody and bruised.

Vaughn: Maybe we should.

Zebediah: Hello my good man! Why are you running into the wall?

Man stops and talks to the men.

Man: I don't see why I shouldn't be. I have nothing else to do.

Zebediah: Aren't you in pain? You are bleeding.

Man looks at himself and back to the men)

Man: I feel no pain.

Man continues to run into the wall.

Vaughn: Do you think he is trying to get to the other side?

Zebediah: No.

Vaughn: How do you know?

Zebediah: Because there is no other side, just the side you can see.

Vaughn: So there is no hope for the man?

Zebediah: He can continue running into that wall all his life. Nothing will stop him.

Vaughn: Ah, but then again, we don't know for sure why he is running into the wall.

Zebediah: He said he doesn't know why he shouldn't, so maybe we should?

Vaughn: No, because we have common sense. We know it would hurt if we ran into the said wall.

Zebediah: We don't know that for sure.

Vaughn: If I were to punch you, do you think it would hurt?

Zebediah: I have no idea. It is possible to assume that it would but today could be the day that nothing hurts anybody which could be why the man is feeling no pain.

Vaughn: Or maybe the man is feeling pain but its the type of pain that is trapped inside. And the only way to deal with the pain is to inflict more pain on himself so he can't feel the pain which is ensnared inside of him.

Zebediah: Ah that is a good idea. I applaud you my friend. But that reminds me of something I've been thinking about.

Vaughn: Oh? And that is...?

Zebediah: Pickles.

Vaughn: Pickles?

Zebediah: Exactly. They are just cucumbers soaked in evil.

Vaughn: I don't understand how that relates to pain.

Zebediah: Once the cucumber is soaked into the evil, it's no longer a cucumber. It's a acne filled pickle. It's completely different. I mean I love cucumbers but hate pickles. But they are one in the same.

Vaughn: I'm still not following.

Zebediah: Never mind. Only extraordinary minds understand my logic.

Vaughn: Or only idiots understand your stupidity.

Zebediah: I really hope you get a paper cut.

Vaughn: Paper cuts aren't bad.

Zebediah: But once you get the paper cut I will pour pure lemon juice on it.

Vaughn: That is cruel. I dislike you.

Man stops running and turns to the two men.

Man: That is a good idea. Maybe I will try that sometime. It sounds quite exhilarating!

Vaughn: I worry about you sir.

Zebediah: He likes physical pain.

Man: I'd rather have physical pain then emotional or mental pain.

Zebediah: Why don't you just kill yourself sir?

Man: Because I enjoy living most of the time. But living does involve a lot of pain, eh? Some people are just so cruel.

Zebediah: So wait. You enjoy living, even though, living has caused you a lot of pain?

Man: (take a moment to reply) Yes.

Zebediah: But why run into the wall?

Man: Because it gives me a better kind of pain. I'd rather feel my own pain that I inflict physically onto myself then get venomous words thrown at me. So I take my anger out on this wall.

Vaughn: But I mean look at what you are doing.. What was once a lovely white wall with some pretty dainty looking pink flowers now looks like part of Sweeney Todd's shop.

Man: I do not care. This is not my wall.

Man begins running back into the wall again.

Zebediah: Vaughn, may I have a word with you?

The two of them step away from the man.

Vaughn: Yes?

Zebediah: I think this man is crazy.

Vaughn: I think you are crazy but I don't see you running into the wall.

Zebediah: Aren't we all crazy in some sort of way?

Vaughn: I suppose so with the exception of myself. I am completely sane.

Zebediah: HA! HAHA! HAHAHA! You jokester! You are one of the craziest people I know.

Vaughn: And you are the biggest nincompoop I have ever met.

Zebediah: (Very giddy) Thank you. As long as I'm your nincompoop, I am full of joy.

Vaughn: You are such a sassy man. But don't worry. I enjoy your sassyness. It entertains me.

Zebediah: Your mother entertains me.

Vaughn: Your face entertains me.

(Zebediah looks fakely shocked)

Vaughn: It's true. Except for that huge pimple on your nose. That is utterly disgusting.

Zebediah: Well have you looked in a mirror? (Zebediah points at Vaughn's entire face) THAT is just disgusting.

(Vaughn pulls out a mirror and looks at himself)

Vaughn: What? There is nothing on my face.

Zebediah: Exactly.

(Zebediah looks at the man running into the wall)

Zebediah: (Laughing uncontrollably) Hahaha. Look it's a man running into a wall. Hahaha. That's quite entertaining. Hahaha.

(Vaughn looks at Zebediah, shakes his head and walks away leaving Zebediah laughing at the man)