Absurdist Script

Vaughn: How long as he been running into that wall?

Zebediah: I don't know. 5 hours?

Vaughn: Should we do something?

Zebediah: Maybe... Possibly... Nah...

Vaughn: He must be doing it for a reason

Zebediah: Should we ask him?

Vaughn: No.

Zebediah: Why not? He might need help. I mean look at him. He is all bloody and bruised.

Vaughn: Maybe we should.

Zebediah: Hello my good man! Why are you running into the wall?

Man stops and talks to the men.

Man: I don't see why I shouldn't be. I have nothing else to do.

Zebediah: Aren't you in pain? You are bleeding.

Man looks at himself and back to the men)

Man: I feel no pain.

Man continues to run into the wall.

Vaughn: Do you think he is trying to get to the other side?

Zebediah: No.

Vaughn: How do you know?

Zebediah: Because there is no other side, just the side you can see.

Vaughn: So there is no hope for the man?

Zebediah: He can continue running into that wall all his life. Nothing will stop him.

Vaughn: Ah, but then again, we don't know for sure why he is running into the wall.

Zebediah: He said he doesn't know why he shouldn't, so maybe we should?

Vaughn: No, because we have common sense. We know it would hurt if we ran into the said wall.

Zebediah: We don't know that for sure.

Vaughn: If I were to punch you, do you think it would hurt?

Zebediah: I have no idea. It is possible to assume that it would but today could be the day that nothing hurts anybody which could be why the man is feeling no pain.

Vaughn: Or maybe the man is feeling pain but its the type of pain that is trapped inside. And the only way to deal with the pain is to inflict more pain on himself so he can't feel the pain which is ensnared inside of him.

Zebediah: Ah that is a good idea. I applaud you my friend. But that reminds me of something I've been thinking about.

Vaughn: Oh? And that is...?

Zebediah: Pickles.

Vaughn: Pickles?

Zebediah: Exactly. They are just cucumbers soaked in evil.

Vaughn: I don't understand how that relates to pain.

Zebediah: Once the cucumber is soaked into the evil, it's no longer a cucumber. It's a acne filled pickle. It's completely different. I mean I love cucumbers but hate pickles. But they are one in the same.

Vaughn: I'm still not following.

Zebediah: Never mind. Only extraordinary minds understand my logic.

Vaughn: Or only idiots understand your stupidity.

Zebediah: I really hope you get a paper cut.

Vaughn: Paper cuts aren't bad.

Zebediah: But once you get the paper cut I will pour pure lemon juice on it.

Vaughn: That is cruel. I dislike you.

Man stops running and turns to the two men.

Man: That is a good idea. Maybe I will try that sometime. It sounds quite exhilarating!

Vaughn: I worry about you sir.

Zebediah: He likes physical pain.

Man: I'd rather have physical pain then emotional or mental pain.

Zebediah: Why don't you just kill yourself sir?

Man: Because I enjoy living most of the time. But living does involve a lot of pain, eh? Some people are just so cruel.

Zebediah: So wait. You enjoy living, even though, living has caused you a lot of pain?

Man: (take a moment to reply) Yes.

Zebediah: But why run into the wall?

Man: Because it gives me a better kind of pain. I'd rather feel my own pain that I inflict physically onto myself then get venomous words thrown at me. So I take my anger out on this wall.

Vaughn: But I mean look at what you are doing.. What was once a lovely white wall with some pretty dainty looking pink flowers now looks like part of Sweeney Todd's shop.

Man: I do not care. This is not my wall.

Man begins running back into the wall again.

Zebediah: Vaughn, may I have a word with you?

The two of them step away from the man.

Vaughn: Yes?

Zebediah: I think this man is crazy.

Vaughn: I think you are crazy but I don't see you running into the wall.

Zebediah: Aren't we all crazy in some sort of way?

Vaughn: I suppose so with the exception of myself. I am completely sane.

Zebediah: HA! HAHA! HAHAHA! You jokester! You are one of the craziest people I know.

Vaughn: And you are the biggest nincompoop I have ever met.

Zebediah: (Very giddy) Thank you. As long as I'm your nincompoop, I am full of joy.

Vaughn: You are such a sassy man. But don't worry. I enjoy your sassyness. It entertains me.

Zebediah: Your mother entertains me.

Vaughn: Your face entertains me.

(Zebediah looks fakely shocked)

Vaughn: It's true. Except for that huge pimple on your nose. That is utterly disgusting.

Zebediah: Well have you looked in a mirror? (Zebediah points at Vaughn's entire face) THAT is just disgusting.

(Vaughn pulls out a mirror and looks at himself)

Vaughn: What? There is nothing on my face.

Zebediah: Exactly.

(Zebediah looks at the man running into the wall)

Zebediah: (Laughing uncontrollably) Hahaha. Look it's a man running into a wall. Hahaha. That's quite entertaining. Hahaha.

(Vaughn looks at Zebediah, shakes his head and walks away leaving Zebediah laughing at the man)